Read the blog post/note Get your own man by http://www.pastorwa.com/2011/08/single-ladies-get-your-own-man.html and as no one knows, I got an opinion on it.
I
went in to the post knowing it would probably bash someone based on
context and ideology. I'd hoped it would include some balanced
opinion...ating (I decide that's a word) but instead; it's a subjective;
one-sided; damn near female witch-hunting reminiscent of the
puritanical ages-- personal opinion.
The thorn in the writer's
side is that Linda Muthama is proud of being Walter Mong'are's second
wife. According to the writer; a woman in Linda's situation goes after
married men with the intention of taking what is not their's that being a
well groomed and (in my opinion) trained man. One who knows how to
behave and be a good human being. Furthermore; every single woman is out
to get a man like that.
Talk about a piece worth scoffing at. I
didn't believe a woman who has bothered to read and understand Linda's
story would write such a piece so I googled and yes, it wasn't a woman
who wrote the piece. Hence this tidbit: men of the world; you are not
people who live without responsibilities. Woman up and face them.
"Get
your own man" reads bitterly and that may be because I get bitter first
of all, when people talk relationships like it's all on one person and
mainly the woman in a hetero-relationship. God-forbid the man has
anything to do with making the relationship work. In this piece,
apparently all a man has to do is follow a woman's directive; even those
with whom he's started another relationship and all a woman has to do
is coddle a man and he'll go far.
Coddle a man.
Really.
Wash
his clothes; clean his house, feed him; have sex with him; give him
children and wow; he will be greatness in this world and you as his
first woman; his wife can enjoy all his achievements outside of the
home.
Yeah? How about no. How about women let men wash their own
clothes if they want to; clean the house and feed themselves cause they
can; have sex because it's what both of you want and have children you
can handle and raise well and both of you have greatness you can share.
Who said women can't have income? My ancestors owned their houses and
their wealth as women; who are we not to do the same?
Secondly,
the idea that all single women want married men is preposterous. Yes;
some of women want married men because they are rich or well mannered or
better yet, have shown the propensity for commitment and if they have
children; fatherhood. But you know what? Some women don't want married
men. Plenty are happy being with single men and moreover; not being with
men at all. Some women so hate the idea of marriage that they'd rather
live alone and keep flings for the days they get lonely.
Furthermore, some women are lesbians. That apparently didn't cross the mind of one Pastor Wa.
While
it is true that not all first wives or thereafter accept co-wives; in
Linda's case, Walter's first wife did and has. The idea that she's a
homewrecker is so European it hurts my sensibilities. The interviews
I've read involving the matter have stated that the family is okay with
the set up and enjoy it...so why should an outsider have a problem with
it?
There are some things most people and especially men, need to understand.
First,
monogamy is not nature; not with reptiles not with mammals and not even
with flowers. I leave out birds because the penguins are known.
Monogamy is not a state of mind either as some people like to say. Au
contraire, monogamy is a state of heart.
If you love someone and
feel that they are the only ones; great; but don't bash people who are
able to love more than one person at a time-- because it is possible to
love more than one person at a time.
The colonialists and
(annoying) one-dimensional (linear) majority would prefer if the world
went the way they imagined it should but they forget that it's spherical
not flat. There is no one way of doing things or being; there is no one
right way of living. There is never going to be a one culture order.
Secondly,
men should handle their own raising. Women are fine and dandy; things
get done in certain ways and mostly to the benefit of all involved but
men need to get their heads out of their shorts and realise their lives
are on them. Raise yourselves; teach yourselves how to be good humans;
good citizens; good to the people you love. Women are not always going
to be the crutches you can lean on to be formidable and independent.
They can be your catalyst but quit depending on them to make you
successful and established.
So what if every great man has a
great woman behind him? It's not the wife but the mother that gives you a
good foundation for a wonderful life. The women who come later are to
compliment you to strengthen that foundation but you, as men are
responsible for the building of your life.
Finally; (but not forever)
understand if you can't accept that there are multiple elements in the
world and you do not live in a vacuum at any point if you have people in
your life. If a man professes monogamy then it's his fault for having
multiple lovers but if he doesn't, then do not fault parties involved
because you'd built castles in your head and raised yourself on
assumptions. Lovers; mistresses or gold-diggers exist; it's upon the
players in a relationship to decide if such a set up is positively or
negatively affective to them.
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