Friday

It's one of those days; Friday. The bad day...when all the stress of the week culminates into a serious tension that clouds up literally everything in my life. Physically it makes my vision blur and my stomach barely bear food or my throat take drinks. My head pounds like a silent sledgehammer where there is no sound but you can feel the force of it. I hate it. Then comes the emotional side of it and it's a house of cards falling down around me. I hate it. Only I can't feel so it's a whole lot of more tension in the form of that emotion.
Most people like Fridays cause they can release their tension and smile and have fun. I prefer Mondays cause the tension of the week can be left behind as a new week starts. Fridays are not my friend because by then I'm so tense jumping out of the class window (that's 12 floors up) is tempting. I spent half of my evening class last night thinking that slamming the pavement would indeed be better than being awake and alive and having to tolerate humans and listen to them and know them. They suck. I suck. So why not just die?
Oh yeah, got no motivation.
One day the motivation will come through. I got enough motivation to buy a box of pain pills last week so inevitably I will down them all. Till then, maybe I'll get one good Friday. Last Friday was a close to good one. I won't hold my breath though.